A Husband's Love - Col 3:19

Col 3:19 KJV - 19 Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.
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Full Transcript

​All of you precious saints. You sing a good hymn by a Presbyterian like Robert Murray McShane, and then the good ones just wander in, don't they? Oh, it is so good to see the saints, the brotherhood. It's so good to see the redeemed, the blood bought of Christ. When the day of judgment comes, when this world is being wrapped up ina a very real and present and visible way, we see the Lord of glory.

And there are those in the midst of crying out for the rocks to crush them and to hide them from the wrath of the Lamb. And there is a real terror that's gripping the world when even Angels are looking on in awestruck wonder and demons are trembling. Powers unseen are falling. Nations being subjugated. What's it going to be worth to you to look up as the king comes forth in splendor to know he loves his saints?

The love of Christ will be our great confidence on that day. Colossians chapter three, you'll find your place in our text, verse 18 through 25. We will read together, please stand for the reading of God's word. Colossians chapter three, verse 18 through 25. Hear the word of the Lord.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service as men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing God.

And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord, and not unto men. knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance, for ye serve the Lord Christ. But he that hath done wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done, and there is no respecter of persons. Amen. Please remain standing for prayer.

Oh, our God, our Lord, and our Father, our great King, Lord, you've given us your word. And you've given us a code, a rule, a command, a life, the power to walk in it, and an expectation of judgment. So Lord, thank you for your word that we would know by what we come to the judgment to hear. And help us to receive it with joy and with grace, not as a thing that is crevious, but it's that which is a token even of your love to us that we may be cleansed and sanctified and pure and walk in the cleansing power of the blood of the Lamb. May our lives reflect not only our Lord's forgiveness, but his power to overcome sin. In Christ's name, amen.

You may be seated. We are currently in the household code section of the epistle. And when we look at wives and husbands and children and fathers and servants and all ranks and tiers and echelons of society represented within the church, we are reminded all of this flows out from the triumphs of Christ flowing out to the nations, to the world, and particularly to His people. And He who has triumphed over sin judicially is triumphing over sin in our lives practically. And that is good news.

We are living lives that are all for Christ. We are given not just mere wooden laws, but we are given a spirit in which Christians are to think, a spirit in which Christians are to act, an attitude, an outlook, as you remember that word, an atmosphere to our mind state and to our affections and our heart. And it gives context to everything such that whatsoever we do, we do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

As a royal priesthood, nothing common. Everything of our lives, as Paul conceives of it, is to be done as a continual thank offering to God. That worship doesn't end at the end of the Lord's day, but it is a life lived in obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. A heart that is always making melody unto him, singing his praises through joyful acts of obedience and submission to the crown rights of King Jesus.

We are to be a people who think, speak, act in the name of Christ. always bearing in mind in what we do day to day, his character, his will for us, his example that he leaves behind, his word, and his reputation before the watching world. And it is so very important that as we turn aside into these commands that are given us here, these imperatives, We need to take note and to ensure that our marriages, our roles as husbands and wives, men and women, are being done in the name of Christ, not in the name of the age in which we live and those cultural sensitivities that attach themselves to it. Let it be said, the fashions of this world are quickly passing away, not our standards for wives and husbands. Let that be attached to God's word, which endures forever and ever. and while the fashions of this world quickly pass away, let that which we are growing in be of eternal significance.

Amen? So with that, we look at this remaining section of chapter three, where it comes to these exhortations that are particular to the various roles in the Lord, the Spirit of God, Through the Apostle Paul lays forth wives first in their submission. We looked at that last week, and now this week we have come, and I know, husbands, you have been waiting with abated breath, expectant, exuberant joy that you might know God's will for your life.

And wait no more. The time has come. May the Lord apply his word with great joy to your fervor to obey him in all things. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. You're being addressed today, you servant leaders. you family shepherds, you spiritual heads of your home that ultimately belongs to Christ and you've been giving it a little while to steward for a season until you should present the fruit of your stewardship at the judgment. When all the world is called to give an account, you will particularly be presented in such a way as to account not only for yourself alone, but for your family and for your wives, first of all. Keep that in the forefront of your mind going forward, because when that day comes, when the questions are asked, when the rolls are open, when your deeds follow after you into eternity, can you say you're prepared to give an account for the things that will be uncovered and revealed and asked on that day? and as your mind and the way you're doing things today actively shaped and being shaped by God's word and God's mind for what a family is, what a husband is. Husbands, I will say it just simply looking at this verse, husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Husbands, you are called by God Almighty to sacrificially lay down your life your comforts and the demand upon your prerogatives to unconditionally love someone else more than yourself. Namely, as the Lord has decreed it, your own wife, singular.

And to not allow yourself to become overly harsh or embittered against her. but to grow in an atmosphere and an attitude of gentleness and compassion and sympathy. Scripture emphasizes that the biblical love of a husband for his wife is not about mere emotional sentimentality. It's not merely some material gift giving on important days of the year. Nor is it even on the other side a willingness to enter into a kind of simple, sinful compromise just to keep the peace in the home, a kind of happy wife, happy life.

But rather, this biblical love is about great spiritual strength. unconditionally protecting, providing for, spiritually nurturing, considering, thoughtful of, and becoming a stable pillar for your bride in such a sacrificial way that it ultimately points to the gospel as you seek her good.

And before we dive off into all the more particular concepts of this love, just as we did for the wives, remember, turn back and remember the context of Christ being supreme over all creation and the fact that he made you. He made us male and female and he particularly ordained you before the foundation of the world that you should be a man and you should take up the office which is given you irrespective of what you think your particular strengths and weaknesses are or are not. He designed, dictated, and decreed your biblical place as a male and as a husband in your family, and with it, all the responsibilities that come with that calling. Christ being supreme over creation, We see that the Lord looked upon man when he had finished it, fashioned it, in the garden, perfect in a sense, without flaw, without any hint or taint of sin at all, as Adam was fashioned in original righteousness.

God looks upon the originally righteous and sinless Adam and finds, if you could say it this way, some fault with him. some inadequacy with him. When everything is good, even very good, to the sixth day, there is one thing the Lord looks at and says, it's not good.

What is it? The Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helpmeet for him. How does that help your sense of fiery spirited independence? It has its place, but not here. Look at this, God says it's not good, that man should be alone. And if you've ever followed a man around long enough and looked at the way he does things when he's left to his own mind and his own preferences and his own devices to do everything, you may have some great strengths in some areas, but you will see a great gulf of just something missing in many others. a great blindness to certain things, a great skimming over, that's not important, so there's a wake of important things left behind him.

We see the living God fashions for Adam exactly what by God's design was needed for Adam, that which would be bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, that which would come forth from him. As Matthew Henry pointed out, not from his feet that he would stand upon her, not from his head that she would rule over him, but from his side, that which would be beside him and nearest to his heart. Adam, beloved, in the garden before sin entered into the world. It says they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Adam delighted in his wife. Adam found joy in his wife. Adam found delight in her.

And the disfigurement of the fall comes in and works havoc, ruin, disfigurement, and death. And here the fall sinned. Sin ruined, marred. image of God shows its face. We looked, if you remember last time, at the particular sorrow that belonged to the women, and the particular sorrow and childbearing, and in the particular sinfulness that is in her, in her wrongful desires even. Genesis chapter three, verse 17 through 19, it speaks to man's sorrow.

And it says, and unto Adam he said, because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife. and as eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee saying thou shalt not eat of it cursed is the ground for thy sake in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread till thou return unto the ground. For out of it was thou taken, for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Adam would be made to labor, to sweat, to toil, to hurt. Adam would be in a place to labor for the good of his home through pain. Adam, with every reaching forth onto the ground, every cut of the briar and thorn, would have to deny himself at the next grasp, at the next shovel full, at the next planting, at the next restraining, at the next aspect of manual labor. In all of his doings, he would have to labor in sorrow. He would even eat his bread in sorrow. It would not be for his own particular enjoyment. but that gathering together of sustenance would be as a necessary responsibility of provision that God placed upon him.

And he is reminded here, because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife and hast eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee, saying thou shalt not eat of it. Remember last time, Eve was deceived. Adam was not deceived. Adam had of the two heard the word of the Lord directly when the Lord gave Adam express commandment to not eat of it. For the day in which you eat of it, you shall surely die. Eve had it on reference from Adam.

And here, as he looks on to the subtlety of the serpent deceiving his wife, he never interjects. He never stops the interaction. He never questions the serpent which is in the midst of questioning God. And when his wife partakes, he doesn't stop her.

Adam, at that point, failed as a protector. Adam had a responsibility to protect her, not just to tend the garden, but to tend all aspects of the garden, and to tend for Enki, that which was most precious in the midst of his garden, his own bride. And he didn't tend it at all. He didn't safeguard her, he didn't protect her, he didn't interpose himself between the deception that was before her and the destruction that that deception would work in her, but rather, He, weakly, foolishly, disobedient to God, hearkened unto the voice of his wife.

The order was upset and upside down. Adam knew better, and in his hearkening, Adam failed and cast the whole of the human race into the darkness of sin and death. The responsibility lies squarely upon Adam's shoulders as federal representative of man. And his sin is the greater. It is in this terrifying backdrop. Of sin entering into the world in depth through sin that sin is passed upon all mankind and we see the nation still to this day rocking to and fro is a drunkard in insanity.

The thoughts of men only evil continually. The heart deceitful and desperately wicked of all things. The mindset, the framework of men, the interests, the concerns bent against God. And at the heart and root of it all, husband that failed to take up his responsibility to obey God, protect his wife, and attend what was given to him, and to steward it to God's glory.

So what do we have in the new creation? For Christ is supreme over creation, but he's also supreme over the new creation. What do we have? A renewed and a restored image that follows after the pattern of the second Adam, the true and better Adam, who does interpose himself for his wife, who does come forth to protect her, who does intercede, who does come in and bear the responsibility upon his own shoulders for her good, though it cost him greatly, though he suffers, though he eats, in sorrow, though he sweats great drops of blood in agony in Gethsemane's garden, though he through much pain does so and enters into the force of the curse himself, yet still through it all in far more difficult context than Adam could ever dream of, he interposes himself and demonstrates a love this world knew not.

And that Christ turns aside to every husband of every home that will dare call upon his name, and reveals unto them a great mystery, that the husband and the wife is going to be a picture of Christ in the church. Not a picture of Adam and Eve in the first garden, but it's gonna be a picture of God's design recovered, God's design regenerate, healed, made new, bought and paid for in blood and sacrifice and love. And a pattern will be left behind for the husband to enter into.

As the Lord will say to them in Ephesians 5, 25, husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. This pattern, supreme, high, lofty, glorious, terrifying. that our example is not the best husband you've ever been mentored by among the ranks of men, but rather your example is none other than the God-man, Christ Jesus himself, and the example he sets behind. So with this, let us turn aside, beloved, and let's inquire of the Savior's love more particularly. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Love. Love.

It's agapeo, a verb form of agape, a very, very common word in Scripture, very common Greek word, but with a much bigger Christian application. The word itself, if just left to all the ways it appears, can have a wide range here. Strong's definition literally just simply says, the definition, to love. There you go, we're done. Definition done. No. In some places, beloved. Beloved.

But more particularly, it is to love in a way that is full of goodwill is the idea. not only full of good will or good intention, a beneficent care and concern, but an exhibition of it, a displaying of it, making it visible, putting it into practice, doing it, and with the preference for, literally, a well-wishing for, a regard for the welfare of whatever it is placed upon. It's the exact opposite of indifference or carelessness or not thinking about it. But it is a thoughtfulness that regards, is concerned for, has goodwill for, and even prefers it above the other options.

This word appears 142 times in the New Testament. The noun agape occurs another 117 times in the New Testament. Compare that to submission, which occurs all of 38 times, a hupotasso in the New Testament. Your New Testament is screaming that at the core and the root and the heart of Christianity itself is the summons to love. And of all the different ways this particular word's used across your New Testament, it's used really in one of two ways.

One, dealing with a person, a particular person. And one, dealing with a thing, a particular thing. Of the persons, it just carries that. To welcome, it's an embrace. To entertain, but not in the sense of the way we think of entertainment today. Husbands, I think you will understand this well enough. When you've got 10 things going on, and you're trying to deal with all of those 10 things, and someone tries to come and get your attention in the middle of it, you're gonna decide whether you're gonna entertain that person or not in that moment, right? In that sense, it is a readiness and a willingness to entertain the needs of that person, or to entertain what is being said. Literally, to be fond of, to love dearly, and of things, just simply to be well-pleased, to be contented with the thing.

It's a common Greek word, but when you begin to reach around just the simple meaning of the word and you get at the theology of the word and the way it's used and described and taught, particularly in Christ and the New Testament, you end up with a much bigger, weightier, heavier, heavenly definition. Just to say it in short for simplicity's sake, this theological love, this Christian love, is the self-sacrificing, unconditional, and covenant, covenantal, faithful love of God. It's not merely, as we said, an emotion, but it's a deliberate action of the will from the heart aimed at the highest good of the other regardless of what may be considered their worthiness of it. It is a kind of love that is, as we see in the Scripture, patient and kind and selfless and is perfectly displayed in Christ's sacrificial death.

We see that love in scripture, in the New Testament for saints, even our love of neighbor is viewed, as it says in James 2, as the royal law, according to the scripture. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. If you do this, you do well. Love is the fulfillment of the whole law. The whole law can be summed up namely in this one word, love.

Love is sacrificial, just a few key points of it to just flesh it out a little more. Again, it's not a mere whimsical, fleeting feeling. It's not something that you feel in that moment. We become very much confused in our society of conflating infatuation with something with this deep, concrete, rooted word of love. And whereas infatuation can ebb and flow, it can grow, it can diminish, it's something that is just very feelings-based and feelings-oriented in the moment. It's very superficial. It's just as superficial as, you know, when the flavor of something passes the palate of your tongue, you go, okay, that's nice, and then you kind of move on, and you like it, and you want to keep up those things that you like in this superficial sense.

Rather here, rather than being a feeling, this love is rooted in a far deeper conscientiousness, a far deeper resoluteness, a choice. It's an act of the will, a willful choice to act for the well-being of another, even often at great personal cost, exemplified by Christ in his sacrificial teaching. It is unconditional in its nature. It is not earned or based on emotions, but it is freely given. freely given, not earned, not meritorious, but placed upon the other as an act of volition, voluntarily upon the person exercising it. It has observable characteristics. It is, as we said, it is patient, it is kind, it doesn't envy, it doesn't brag, it's not proud, it doesn't boast, it's not selfish, it keeps no record of wrongs, but rather it is that which is delighting in other focused looking, examining, learning, receiving, thanking, enjoying in all that is coming from the object of your love. your godly affection, or your affection in general in this way, it takes action.

It says in James 2, 15 through 16, if a brother or sister be naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you say to them, depart in peace, be ye warm and filled, notwithstanding you give them not those things which are needful for the body, what doth it profit? What good is that as words? We are in a society and a culture drowning in high-sounding marketing words. I don't know if you've ever heard the statement, I'm fond of it, sorry, I can't hear what you're saying over the noise of your actions.

You'll know tree bites fruit. Love bears fruit, love is fruitful. And lastly, perhaps most importantly, it's divine in its origin. This love only originates in this theological sense in God, of whom the scripture says God is love. It's displayed through His mercy and grace. and with particularity upon the great apple of his eye, the object of his love, the bride of Christ, his covenant-redeemed people.

Now, just for contrast, you need to know When we looked at the wife's submission last week, we acknowledged that it is a controversial piece of Scripture in the day and age in which we live. course it is, we're on the back end of three waves of feminism and then transgenderism, which, oh by the way, transgenderism is the end result, the logical conclusion of feminism, by the way.

Because what's feminism say? There's no difference between men and women, anything a man can do, a woman can do. Okay, we'll follow that to its logical conclusion. Men can have babies, they can give birth, they can have wombs, they can wear whatever pertaineth to a woman, and carry on as though they were a woman, and you got to call them woman.

Well, that's disgustingly insulting to the glory and the beauty of God's design. It's blasphemous and heretical, but where did that transgenderism thought begin in feminism? It's the logical result. You don't get to decide where on that water slide you get off.

Now, as controversial as this is today, When we looked at that verse, it was not very controversial for a wife to be in submission to her husband. If anything, it probably appeared the writers of the scripture were going quite soft on the matter. If there was anything that was countercultural and shocking, in this text. It was the demand, it was the inexcusable, you can't worm your way out of it, no excuse, command to love your wife. Not only for the husband to love his wife, but to love her uniquely and sacrificially. You have to realize how counter-cultural that was in the pagan land in which the scriptures were written. in a day and age in which, as history shows, husband leadership authority was really authority only.

It was tyranny. It was aggressive. It was arbitrary. It was capricious. Even among the Jews, they put away their wives at will for whatever. Burnt the chicken? Sorry, I'm gonna go get a wife that can cook chicken better. It was capricious. It was heartless. And the Lord even rebuked them.

Among the Romans, you need to realize just how incredibly self-centered that society was on the male side of things. To be called to love sacrificially would have been very unusual in a society that based the value of a woman purely on her utility, period.

A woman's value was directly tied to her usefulness in bearing children, overseeing household affairs, spinning wool, or whatever else. If you couldn't do that, you were viewed as worthless or perhaps even disruptive to the good flow of society. A problem, an annoyance. Roman women in particular were viewed as property. Many societies viewed women merely as property.

They could be bought, sold, exchanged, traded out. 700 of them, there was no particularity. Their value was measured by the profit of their marriage alliances that were brought into the family through negotiations and political agreements. That's why kings would marry wives of different nations to create peace treaties and allies.

And what does the scripture do? The Scripture loudly and boldly and aggressively cuts across all that filth. And it's still cutting across all that filth. Look at Islam. Look at the nations that they haven't changed in 2,000 years, treating image bearers of God like property. and the Word of God 2,000 years ago.

Before that, when the Scriptures are being written, but in particular here in the revelation of Christ, it's brought to an even greater degree of clarity that the wife was a precious stewardship of God to be loved, provided for, protected, sacrificed for, and highly regarded.

That was counter-cultural in the time the scriptures were written. You cannot go to the scripture and believe the lie of the narrative of the liberal theological agenda today. Rather, you need to see that when the scripture was written, there was no regard for the culture in which it was written. The only regard was for the mind of God.

The scripture does not care whether it is first century Rome and husbands get away with being tyrannical, or it's 21st century America and wives get away with being unsubmissive. Scripture does not care. Scripture commands the men to love sacrificially, commands the women to be in submission to God's order. And it is a place in which God's design is being put before the world to behold. It has nothing to do with culture and society. But you men need to realize the radical summons that this is upon you.

You need to see how God sees and views the delicate flower that God has given you to steward and to water and to feed and to cherish and to nurture and to literally stare at and dote upon. The Lord has handpicked I actually say this all the time, I was doing a little internal debate just there. But my wife's from New Mexico, and I'm a Florida boy, Cajun, and when the Lord brought her to me, I said, look, the Lord handpicked me a desert flower and brought her to me. Brothers, the Lord has handpicked a flower for you.

Out from the garden of his precious redeemed daughters. and he's given it to you for a little while, for a little while, to steward, to shepherd, to teach, to guard, to cover, to shelter, to find companionship with and to provide it to, to love, not to stomp on or handle roughly. And God's redeemed design, redeemed order, redeemed purpose, biblical heaven-sent wisdom, here, just these New Testament verses regarding a husband's love and duty to his wife.

As we saw here in Colossians 3.19, husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Perhaps the most insightful and loaded, loaded with context and help is Ephesians 5, 25 through 29.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.

Brethren, is the love of Christ anything but sanctifying for his people? Is your love genuinely sanctifying for your wife? I don't mean that you just run her so ragged that she's gotta constantly be praying for patience. But I mean that your love has a way of winning her to the truths of God and obedience to the word. Is your love sacrificial? Is your love sympathetic?

Is it nourishing and cherishing? Are you bringing her into deeper waters in the Scripture, washing her with the water of the Word? Are you leading her in godliness? Are you leading her in holiness? Are you going out before her in such a way that you can take the choice gems of Scripture and feed her and nourish her soul? Are you studied enough in the Word to even know how to begin to do that?

Do you love her as you love your own body? You're thirsty, you're tired, okay. Is your wife thirsty, is she tired? How often does that enter into your mind when you're hurting or you're in pain? How often when you consider grabbing something you have need of for yourself, does your mind automatically run to, okay, let me see if I can get something for her too.

I really had to learn this. My grandmother told me as a child one time, she said, son, they say men have one-track minds, but you're literally the only man I've ever met that actually has a one-track mind. I said, thank you, Nana. I grew up, got married, and I was like, I have a one-track mind.

See, when we begin to look at Christ and His thoughtfulness, even look at His prayers, the model prayer that He leaves for us, all throughout the model prayer, and we touched on it recently, where it said, our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. But look when He transitioned, when He begins to ask of the Lord and to supplicate, give me? Give us this day our daily bread. All throughout, it's in the plural.

And the Lord sets this forth really, I believe, as a mindset for the saints in general, an other-mindedness, not just our own needs, not just our own self. We're called to this in Philippians chapter two, not to just be concerned or care for the things of ourself only, but let each other esteem other better than themselves. Look, not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. And there's no place that that is put into exercise more particular other-mindedness, other-thoughtfulness more than in the marriage union. Other-thoughtfulness for your bride. Loving your wife as you would your own body.

Verse Peter 3, 7, likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. That's an astounding statement. The bridegroom of the church who gave his life for his bride seems when it comes to a husband coming to him with a heart swollen up with bitterness and anger for his wife and unforgiveness for his wife, doesn't seem to be very sympathetic with that particular sin. Your prayers are hindered. Husband, you're called to dwell with your wife according to knowledge, and that takes time. but you are to give yourself to the time.

You must purposefully, intentionally give yourself to learning what you are not going to naturally know automatically. But that will come with time spent together, questions being asked, going back, circling back around after a miscommunication and trying to really understand what was going on in the other person. So, not just so that you can win the argument, but that whenever you circle back around again in the future, You can communicate better. Or if you totally were having a one-track mind and you were blind entirely to something that had happened, now you know. And you make a point to not be blind in that area again, but to be conscientious and sympathetic and thoughtful as the Lord enables you and brings it to mind.

And you're to give honor unto your wife as unto the weaker vessel. Listen, I said last week to the women that there is no man on earth whose voice and words you are to regard and to take heed to more than your husbands. And we gave this word, you are to have deference, you are to defer to your husband. Well, here, men, I want you to know, husbands, there's no woman on earth. whose voice and words you are to regard and have more sympathy and willingness to entertain more than your wife. And rather than deference, I'm gonna put the word here, preference.

You need to have a preference for your wife and you need to care for what her preferences are to the degree that it's within biblical reason for you to be able to provide. Conscientiously, thoughtfully. The practical applications here throughout are incredibly important, because as you begin to understand what your sheltering strength is provided for, and the honor you give your wife is unto the weaker vessel, and you consider the place of love in all the scriptures, which cannot be overstated, I mean, you're commanded to love your enemies. You're commanded to love your enemies. Do good to those who despitefully use you. Bless those who curse you. Look at the love Stephen had in imitation of his Lord Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

I mean, if that's the floor, if that's as low as you can go of being unloving, that you're allowed, which is how you regard your enemies, well then where does your wife rank compared to your enemies? You're commanded to love your neighbor as yourself. Who's your chief neighbor? The only person you can and share a bed with, that's a close neighbor, maybe some of your offspring. You are to love your family as a whole. You're to provide for your whole household, men.

Scripture makes that clear. But if any provide not for his own and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel. The burden of provision and the sweating by the brow and eating your bread in affliction lies upon your shoulders for love's sake. But of all the people you provide for, it is especially for your bride and for your wife. She is to be the immediate and first recipient of your provision.

And as I want to park here for just a moment and open up a little bit, that provision, yes, includes food, clothing, and shelter, but it's way more. That scripture has summoned you and called you to provide. And I want to list just a few of those here.

The obvious, yes, first, materially, you are to provide. You are to provide materially for your home. The burden of finding shelter, of finding food, the burden of providing a healthy situation, a safe situation for your family, as you're enabled, rests primarily upon your shoulders. You're ultimately accountable for your living situations. That's it. On the next point, not only are you bearing underneath the burden of that responsibility, you are bearing up underneath the responsibility of spiritually providing for your home.

You have been summoned and called to be a prophet and a priest to your little flock. God has given that more to you in your home than even to your pastor. You are to be the shepherd of your little flock, the prophet declaring the Word of the Lord to his people in your home, the priest interceding on their behalf in the days and in the nights. you are to spiritually provide and you being the spiritual head and providing the spiritual leadership must not only put your physical home in a physical safe place as you are enabled, but you must put your home in a spiritually safe place as you are enabled. Put your home in a spiritually safe situation.

Put your home in a biblically sound church where the Word is taught, where the preaching is faithful, where the means of grace are faithfully attended to, where you are held accountable and responsible to obey God's Word, and where you have eldership and a body of believers to submit to as you look to your wife to submit to you.

And don't be surprised when your lack of submission teaches her the same. You are to know the Word. You are to eat the Word. You are to grow in the Word. You are to obey the Word. You must understand the Word. You must have its wisdom to be able to apply to the circumstances and situations in your home if you will lead your home as a prophet and as a priest. You can't wash your wife with the water of the Word if you don't know the Word to wash her with. You can't lovingly lead her into the choice places of scripture that deal with her soul if you don't know where your own soul is nourished at. You can't lead your wife where you yourself have not yet been.

This is huge, husbands. Don't be derelict, don't shirk off, don't say, I'm not a scholar, I'm not a pastor, I don't know this. You don't understand, you were called by God to be a husband. the same God who called the elders to be elders, the same God who called wives to be wives. He put standards on each of those husbands. You have been placed in a unique sphere of responsibility and authority that you are accountable for. And if you will be submissive to your role, you will learn that word so that you can lead your home to the glory of God. Know the Word. Eat the Word. Apply the Word in your home. Make its principles the statutes and the guiding rule of life in your living room and in your kitchen and in your bedrooms and wherever your family goes.

And being the priest of your home, you have a responsibility to pray for your family often before the throne of grace and take all their needs, all their sorrows, all their confusion to the only one who can help their souls, the Lord of glory. And teach them how to pray and to seek the Lord's face themselves. So okay, I'm the prophet and priest of my home. I'm the provider. I like it when you say prophet and priest and king. Am I the king of my home? Sure.

What does a good king do? He provides stability to his kingdom. A wicked king will make use of his subjects for his own carnal appetite and he will destroy his kingdom. A good king will take great heed, great care, many reports coming up the chain of command, much awareness of what's going on, and he will exercise his leadership for the good, and the health, and the life, and the posterity, and the future of his kingdom.

And he'll protect it, and he'll fight for it. It'll be like David who goes out in the battle with his men. Husbands, you are to be a stabilizing force in the home. You are to be a strong pillar of unwavering principle in your home. You are to be the one endued by the Holy Spirit through the Word with a kind of bravery and a strength to do what's right when everything else in your home is a chaotic storm of fear and confusion and uncertainty.

I'm not saying we're always gonna have the right answers. We're not omniscient. We're not called to omniscience. There's gonna be times where we have to make a decision and we have to stick to it and we have to hold to it come what may. There may be an apology we need to give on the opposite end of the thing on the other side and we need to be willing to give it. But in the midst of, there is a place where if you just constantly vacillate, and you jump, and you don't know, and you go back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth, and whenever the instability of the situations, the instability of life, the instability of emotions, even within the home, fluctuate, and you're just caught in that torrent, you can't be the pillar.

You know what's interesting? In the Old Testament, God provided a very amazing and unusual provision for the, believe it or not, the help and the aid of the wives. In the law, if a covenant was struck between your family and another or with a business or whatever else, It had to absolutely be honored. There were no conditions in which that covenant could be severed without the curses of the covenant coming to bear. There's one particular exception. The wife had been out in the market and she had bound up a covenant and the husband had found out about that covenant.

He realized either she's been taken advantage of, she's been beguiled, she's been swindled, She's been, maybe in a moment of weakness or lack of clarity, tied herself and the family to something that is not good, not healthy. The Lord actually put a provision in the Old Testament, the old covenant law, that he had the right to break that covenant clean, safe, when he found out about it. And the Lord did that as a safeguard and a safekeeping for the stability of the home, so that decisions ultimately would not finally rest on the emotion of the moment.

Decisions, husbands, that are made merely in the emotion of the moment, rather than a wise, principled, biblical ground, are gonna fall on your shoulders, and you're gonna give an account for that. And here is where there are places where you're gonna have to give your wife honor as unto a weaker vessel and be sympathetic and be tender even when you know it's not good for her, it's not good for the home, it's not good for the children, it's not biblical, it's not in line with God's word, it puts the home in a dangerous situation financially or spiritually or otherwise and you see it clearly and conviction rests upon your heart and you can see it and you've got a scripture to stand upon, you better stand. Though it hurts and you feel like you're going to eat your bread in sorrow and affliction, stand and be willing to suffer the consequences of your decision. That's the cost. That's the cost of being the leader. You don't get to blame somebody else. And I would say what some cling to as the most joyful part of the work, the kingliness, I say is probably the greatest sorrowful part of the work because it's the hardest. You don't get to blame anybody else.

Lastly, you not only provide materially and you provide spiritually and you provide stability, But don't forget the point of marriage. One of the points of marriage is actually not just about procreation. There's been some movements as of late that have made marriage simply a practical outworking of be fruitful and multiply, and that marriage is simply about procreation. That's not the case. When you look at Genesis and you see what was provided, marriage is also about companionship, companionship. It's not good for a man to be alone.

The Lord designed the wife to need the husband. The Lord designed the husband to need the wife, even in the everyday struggles of life, not just in childbearing and childrearing. He designed us with, as it says in 1 Corinthians 7, in more than one place, The wife having authority over the husband's body. The husband having authority over the wife's body.

They're seeking how they may please one another. There is a mutual duty to one another of companionship. Don't forget that. There is a mutual duty, conjugal duties, time spent talking. There are times when your wife needs to talk and our man brains are looking for ways to fix everything so we stop her on Part A.1, we've already got a solution. There's no reason to drag this out. Honey, I'll take care of this. Tell you what, you go make a sandwich and I'll fix all this right now. When what she's looking for is someone to talk to.

Think of it this way, if you came home Long day at work, worked hard. And your wife says, oh, I was on the phone for three hours today with one of the other brothers from the church. You said, what? What were you talking about? Oh, just anything and everything. Talked about the weather, talked about his favorite colors, my favorite colors, flowers. Are you good with that? No? Good. You ought not to be. That's your bride. That's your body, that's your mind, that's your interest, that's your love.

And just like you can't go out and look with desire upon another woman, all that must be satisfied, and there are many beautiful verses on that in scripture, with the wife of your youth. And it's to be a blessed and a holy and a sweet thing. You need to realize your wife doesn't have anyone else to deeply commune with like that in talking. And when she wants to unburden and she wants to ask, obviously there is a place if it tends towards a sinful cynicism or criticalness over things, lovingly shepherd, lovingly guide, bring it back to the safe context of a kind of communication that is biblical and scriptural, but let her get it out. Let her talk, let her commune, let her believe that you care.

Listen. This is pretty crazy what I'm about to say, I know. You have a responsibility to dwell with your wife according to knowledge, right? Sometimes if you just, men, and I mean this in the holy, reverent way, if you just shut up and listen, you may learn about that knowledge you're commanded to go get. It may just come to you if you'll just listen thoughtfully. Put your cell phone down.

Put the 10,000 pressing needs of the world, some things you can't put off, we understand that. But if you're more consistent with doubling back with your wife and finishing up those conversations, I have found she is more amiable when you get into situations that you cannot break away from because she knows you care and you're going to double back and check on her. But if you just make a habit of shutting her down, shutting her down, shutting her down, I'm busy, I'm busy.

Well, it's going to grow really, really cold. and you're gonna do a lot of damage. I have known both young wives and young husbands that began very, very bubbly, happy, enjoying the partner of their youth, and something ends up happening, and bitterness gets into that equation, and a lot of damage is done for a long time before finally they figure out how much of their own enemy they are, And by the time that happens, their year's done the line and so much damage has been done. And as the Proverbs says, I'll tell you what the Proverbs does not say, the Proverbs does not say, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me. Scripture says these hurtful words will go down into the soul. And you may carry hurtful words the rest of your life, threatening things that you wish you could take back and now you can't. and to go and to just go back to that joyful bubbly, okay, now we understand, let's go back to that. That's really, really, really, really hard. Not impossible without grace, but it's hard. Don't give yourself to venting or aggression or bitterness. I'm telling you this, young married people, don't give yourself to that early on. It's better for you just to stop talking pray and then re-engage rather than say something you're gonna hate yourself for two, 10, 12 years from now that you can't take back.

The Lord designed the marriage for a sweet companionship, conjugal duties to one another, including just being there for one another and listening. Matthew Henry says, speaking of husbands, they must love them with tender and faithful affection, as Christ loved the church and as their own bodies and even as themselves, with a love peculiar to that nearest relation and the greatest comfort and blessing of life.

True strength You get a bunch of teenagers around some weights and they're gonna get into a competition faster than you can blink. But young man, I'll tell you true strength is found in biblical masculinity. The biblical ability to control yourself, to say no to yourself, to subdue yourself, and to place your concern, more importantly, upon the other object.

The love of Christ. If Christ is the perfect man, and he is, Christ is the perfect man. There's no man stronger than Christ. No man ever bore the burden of heaven and hell and life and death, your sin and God's wrath all on his shoulders at one time. Beside Christ. Christ took the literal burden of the world unto him. Christ is the strongest man. Samson must bow the knee before his awesome, omnipotent strength.

There's no man more masculine, no man more manly than the man, the man of men, Christ Jesus. When we look at his strength, we see it demonstrated in his love. and his love is sacrificial. For listen to this and consider this strength and his strong love in light of a familiar verse, Romans 5, 6 through 8, for when we were yet without strength, when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. What's that say? Who had the strength in that equation? He did. I didn't, he did.

It says, for scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. Yes, it's scarce. It's rare among the children of men. For only the most rare and righteous among us to lay down a life to save a fellow Conrad to save a fellow brother or a fellow friend. For peradventure, a good man, some would even dare to die. Like I said, we pin some of the highest medals in our military in our nation upon the chest of men that are willing to lay down their life for the sacrifice of those whom they love.

That's strength, isn't it? When everyone else runs away to dive on the grenade, to tuck it into your chest, and the only thought you have is that those men go back to their wives and their children, that's strength. To say no to every impulse to save your life, to say no. That's strength. To deny yourself at that level, that is strength. But behold, there's strength infinitely superior to that. Christ didn't bury one grenade into his chest to protect those that considered themselves his friend. He took the full weight of the wrath of almighty God upon himself to die for his enemies who had no strength, to be their strength for them.

That's love. That's what God demonstrated. God commended his love towards us and that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Now with that, husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. How does that ring in your ears?

This love is a purifying love. Make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of the water of the word. Present her without spot, without wrinkle, without stain. Is your love really sanctifying? Nurturing, is it nurturing, is it cherishing, just as the Lord does the church? Is it truly unconditional? Listen, husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. Unconditional love. Christ-like love.

The Christ dies for those who cry out for his crucifixion. Sometimes the right answer in a situation When you've exhausted everything that you know to do, you've reasoned, you believe you're standing on truth, sometimes the right answer is to go find the nearest cross and go die on it in love. And stand firm and set your face like Flint in gentleness and in humility. Bitterness is a root that defiles many.

Don't let it into your marriage. Don't. Don't let it. Fight it with everything in your being. Listen. I will tell you this. Enjoying the wife of your youth is never merely expressed in the scriptures as just a privilege or a benefit. It's actually commanded.

What that means is, is when you're most upset, you're most hurt, you feel most disrespected, the least trusted, the least cared about, at that moment, that's where you're gonna find out how much Christ's commands matter to you. There, look through the sea of emotions, look to the suffering Savior upon that tree, and remember these words. for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross. Dear saints, when you look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God, what was the joy that was set before Him? What was the joy? Bleeding, was that joyful?

No. The shame, the stripped of his clothes, they parted his garments from among them. Was that the joy he was looking forward to? No. Was it the beatings, the lashings, the stripes? Was it the betrayal of his closest friend? Was it being left alone by his own 12? Was it being crushed of his own father? Was that joyful? No, what was the joy?

It was the joy of the purchase, the redemption of his bride, that when this work was finished, the father would so bless it, and his bride would be his, and she would be beautified, and cleansed, and washed, and made his forever. Listen, there is a joy that you have to look beyond the moment to see.

And it's the joy of knowing if the Lord blesses your labors in dying here at this moment, it may lead your wife into a greater degree of sanctification, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next month, it might be five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years from now. But you're looking at how beautiful she is in that holiness 10 years from now, and the smile of your Father in heaven, and the knowing that when you intercede for Christ, he's gonna take sympathy upon you there because Christ knows. what it means to suffer for his bride and to love her unconditionally. And he will so beautify you and honor you and give you strength in it to do it when you look to him in it. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. You're commanded, live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity. Rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

When you get time, read Proverbs 5, 18 through 19 together. Read Song of Solomon together. You're commanded to enjoy one another in the sacred, holy covenant of marriage. Don't let bitterness come in. Talk, listen, love. Walk worthy of the gospel you've been called to. Don't wait for her to submit first before you love her. You want to revenge all disobedience? Do it when your obedience is fulfilled. Love bravely. Face danger. Fight the good fight of faith. Be strong.

Love is ultimately not about how qualified or unqualified you think your wife is in the moment to receive it. That's your wife. That is the God-ordained hand-picked flower that he's given you to steward, to water, to shelter, to protect, to admire, to dote upon, to enjoy. God is restoring his image to fallen man and his saints and particularly conforming you to the likeness of Christ in your marriage, which is a reflection of Christ in the church. That's what you're illustrating. Don't ever lose sight of that. Marriage is not firstly about your happiness. It's about Christ's honor and glory. Christ went on a rescue mission and he laid down his life for his imperfect bride. Husbands, you're on mission.

Father in heaven, Lord, I pray that you'd give us all grace to win our wives with love and affection and patience, not with bitterness and anger and frustration and hateful words. Lord, sanctify our hearts and minds, our mouths, our attitudes. Lord, grant us as husbands eyes to see Christ, to see him bearing the wounds of our redemption and give us strength to follow in his footsteps. In Christ's name we do pray, amen. Once more, Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Savior, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. Go in the grace and knowledge of our Lord, dear saints. Lord bless.